I Am The Fat Girl
I am the Fat Girl
the one that everyone hates,
holds in contempt
makes fun of
the one who has Jenny Craig dreams of being thin;
who learns to hate her self
because of cupcakes;
who can walk pass ice cream
and gain five pounds
whose parents are thin
while telling me I just have to watch my calories
I am the one who is mean
and retaliates
by spreading rumors
that the pretty girls are lesbian
or whores
or that they take drugs.
That is me;
the last chosen in gym class for the team
The object of fat jokes;
The one who is watched in the cafeteria
to see what I am eating
who has to sit and see the small girls
eat whatever they want
who has to declare that she doesn't like chocolate
the one who can never go to the beach
to pool parties
never find clothes that fit;
wearing sheets;
who can't neck with thin boys
who can never touch down there
because I hate myself so
who has to watch TV after TV show
which show
that
fat people are the most hated people in the world
and contemptible;
no one ever says anything good about the 'fatties'
they make fun of you to your face
or speak with patronizing sentences
or offer dieting tips
and false statements of support.
Even your thin parents think you eat too much
will never get married
and secretly give up on you.
If the parents are fat like you
they don't want to go out anywhere
because fat drawns attention
to them
at the movies.
In the restaurant;
Fat is bad
You are told horror stories:
that you will get diabetes
that you will die of heart failure
that your babies will have complications
that you really are worthless
and might as well die.
That is fat.
And worse
no one understands
or even want to understand;
fat is the new leper
repulsive
even as they smile
In your face
while secretly believing
that it is all your fault
and it never stops.
I see the women over forty
crazied over their fat arms
their weight gains
their cottage cheese thighs.
Some of their will
finally understand fat.
I got a boyfriend after college
from Asia where fat is beautiful
yes fat is beautiful
in many parts of the world,
a sign of wealth
but he was a woman beater
and I had to walk away from the relationship
marrying my present husband
who is fatter than I am.
Now we go to the ice cream store
suck the ice-cream cones
our fingers
licking Dorito dust
both of us
having given up
Thanks everyone;
fat it seems
is
forever.
poem by Lonnie Hicks
Added by Poetry Lover
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