Ephemeral
Lying awake at night I probed
For hidden pockets and alleyways,
Searched for every lighted window,
Prayed for unlocked gates,
And hoped to find a devil to blame
To exonerate you and our bellicose collision
To purge the most beautiful stair
That I was permitted to ascend
And in kindness, carefully descended
I endlessly searched
Until I forgot to count weeks,
Forgot my reasoning,
And forgot the pendulum swings
To rive us with decadence, senescence
Riveted in this malady of guilt and regret
As I search for a demon to blame
I was ensnared in their spider web
As they formed inside my heart
A malignant cancer poisoning
Every blood, every pulsating,
Every inflating or deflating,
I have become what I needed
So I incarcerated myself:
A warden and a prison
Born in search of liberation
In a lost struggle
And now at nights
I become a soliloquy
Demented from everyone
If this is the last page of the water
The final absolution, the final thought,
The final charade in letting go
Of the chances that I arduously averted
Maybe tonight I will find the courage
To break the last vault left,
Where white seraphic wings are frozen
Like bloomed parasols in mid-air
A vanguard to innocence and purity
Caught in the gelid deferral of demise
And when I find that all these lovely things
Are all ephemeral; will I leave this place
And never come again to its glacial sting?
poem by Norman Santos
Added by Poetry Lover
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