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The Wonky Spoon Cafe

She makes a decent apple pie
at the Wonky Spoon Cafe
where eggs are easy over
and chips all deep fat fried.
Full English breakfast every day,
the bacon is real good
but how she scowls is scary
and turns folk off their food.
She makes the cream turn sour
and customers all cringe
as they slurp their mugs of tea
and eat their mushy peas.
Her face can scare most patrons
but worse, far worse than this
her husbands manic chortles
can cause their bums to hiss.
So if you'd like a pasty,
don't try the Wonky Spoon
for though the food is passable
the atmosphere is cruel.
She nails down all the cutlery
and though she lends out plates,
God help you if you dare return
a single plate too late.
She'll scold you and berate you
call you thief and more,
she'll bar you from the cafe
and throw you out the door!
A nasty piece of work,
there's no one can deny
but blow me down and whistle
she makes mean apple pie.

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