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The song of a pathological liar

I am four foot three ....not really

I am a vegetarian pacifist

Not really

I am a capricorn

Not really

I don't believe in the 'stars'

I was born on a mars bar

I feel only with my hands

Not really, , , , very well

I am from a large cable tossing clan

Of Irish priests in open toe sandals

I have two bunions

And walk in front of traffic

I am a flatulent loner

Not really

When I am nervous I bite my toenails

I have an incurable fungus disease

I have a hat made of mushrooms

I walk out into on coming traffic

I never cross the road, unless

It is two drag an old lady against her will

I am a three foot swiss pensioner with a chest wig and halitosis

I used to be a ballroom dancer

I became a saloon bar arm wrestler to distract myself from drinking

I am a very small receding scots man

I don't eat cheese on sundays

I invented mushrooms

I can produce an egg from my back porch on a wednesday

My name is Colin Angus Still Waters lie deep

I am a thirty two year old mushroom impersonator

Called keith

My pathology came back with L plates

meaning I am patholigically a L

I can only tell the truth when I am standing

Using a japanese translator who is disguised as a coffee table

I lived off a crumb for thirty days and thirty nights

Until somebody opened the cake tin

When working part time as a cupboard

I often allow people who are very tiny to hide in me

For a small rental fee

I like my coffee with room for milk

So I can charge the milk rent

I hate starbuck coffee

but find my doppleganger drinking it to spite me

I lived with a fruit salad for fifty years

Til the smell made me vomit

lying is best done lying down

I have a very bard gramma

My grandma says she 'aint bad! '

When I was eleven and...I beat a boy to a pulp an made his nose bleed

I spend my holidays floating ob the riveira in a match box

Size is not an issue

I often go missing and can be found only with the aide of a magnifying

glass

I walk in circles due to having two left feet

I didn't invent the atomic kitten

Which was detonated by controlled explosion

A vet called 'a vet' was later arrested and charges with possessing

'KITTENS OF MASS DESTRUCTION'

poem by Yvette Smith
Added by Poetry Lover
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