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Nutrition makes me puke.

quote by Jimmy Piersall
Added by Lucian Velea
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The Fable of 'Belling the Cat', Modern Version

Five judges at a cat show
were in a conference room
when the lights went out.

The cat being judged
was coal black and
only could be seen
when it opened its eyes,
and of course the cat was asleep.

While waiting for the lights to come on,
the conversation turned to nutrition
and as most cat show judges
must have another occupation,
it turned out that each
considered himself and herself
an authority on diet for humans.

Such it was that the cat and nutrition
became the subject of discussion
because nutrition is not unlike
a black cat in a dark room.

The judges were sure
that the cat must be found and caught
before someone opened the door,
and it escaped.
If only it had a bell attached to its collar,
How much easier it would be.

The first judge,
a Health Food Faddist, said,
'I see it.
Having particularly acute eyesight
because of my diet
of carrots and carrot juice,
I will tell you where the cat is
and someone can easily
catch and hold it.
There by the table end is the cat.'
Alas, because no one else could see,
the first one to attempt to catch the cat,
tripped over a chair and
the cat raced about the room and
Found a new place to hide.

'It's just like you all
to dismiss the value of natural foods,
see what it has gained you.'
With that the Food Faddist

[...] Read more

poem by Sidi J. Mahtrow
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How A Naked Mole

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poem by Rwetewrt Erwtwer
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The Beef Epitaph

This is what it was: Sometime in the recent but until now unrecorded
past, it was decided by certain ingenious and commercially forward-looking
cattle-ranchers in a certain large, modern Western nation which prides itself
on being nutritionally forward-looking, that since people are increasingly
nutrition-conscious, and increasingly insistent that "you are what you
eat," all cattle on the way to market were to be marked with brief
descriptive tags noting the favorite food of each animal; and also stating
approximately how much each ate of it. This, it was felt, would both delight
the diner and comfort the nutrition-conscious consumer: people would be able to
tell exactly what kind of flavor and texture of beef they were purchasing
beforehand, and always be able to secure exactly the kind of product most
likely to delight their taste, since they would know a whole lot more than ever
before about the quality and kind of nourishment which the animal had received
(it was a little like our own, well-established, present-day modern American
system of catering to preferences for light and dark meat in chicken--by
supplying each part shrink-wrapped in a separate bag in the supermarkets). The
system set up by those ingenious and commercially forward-looking
cattle-ranchers was remarkably efficient; and seemed--at least at first--to be
destined for success. This is how it worked: First, on each animal's
last day on the ranch, they attached the main, or so-called "parent"
tag--made out according to information provided by each rancher, or their hired
hands, or even (in some cases) their immediate family--to each head of
livestock. The information contained on each tag would be of course be
definitive, since it was compiled just before the two or three days required
for shipment of the animal to the slaughterhouse--during which travel time, of
course, the animal customarily doesn't eat anything, anyway.... Once at the
slaughterhouse, they carefully removed the "parent tags"; and during
the slaughtering, mechanically duplicated them numerous times, preparing
perhaps hundreds of tiny labels for each animal. Immediately afterwards, at the
packing plant, these miniature, or "baby" tags were affixed,
respectively to the proper bodily parts--each section of each animal being
separately and appropriately tagged, each as if with an epitaph. But then
something went wrong with this means of delighting the diner, and of comforting
the nutrition-conscious consumer. At first, quite predictably, the tags came
out reading things like "Much grass, a little moss, medium grain" and
"Much grass, much grain, generally ate a lot." And this, as one might
expect, proved (at least at first), a great pleasure to purchasers! But then
tags began coming through reading things like "A little grass, a little
grain, many diverse scraps from our table"; and "She was our favorite
pet--gave her all we had to give"; and there was even one (featured at
dinnertime one evening on network television news) which was tear-stained and
which said, in a child's handwriting, "Good-bye, Little Blackie Lamb,
sorry you had to grow up--I'll sure miss you!" And so, gradually, despite
its efficiency, this system somehow ceased to delight the diner, and comfort
the nutrition-conscious consumer. And this is how the practise of The Beef
Epitaph became generally neglected over the course of time; and how the members
of a large, nutrition-conscious, and otherwise generally quite sophisticated
modern nation very much like our own, came to eat their beef--as indeed they
still do today--partially or even totally blindfolded.

poem by Michael Benedikt
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Simple Fact

There was the simple fact
she was pregnant and by him.
Three months late. Morning
sickness. Throwing up after

breakfast. If she had breakfast.
And Thornton knew nothing
of it and that was the way she
wanted it: him ignorant of that

fact of her being with child as
Mother called it. She’d not seen
him since the big bust-up after
the Chekov play. He rang twice

but she put the phone down with
a mighty slam. That temper of
yours, Mother used to say, will
be the death of you. Not yet at

least, she thought. Mother always
thought she knew best; a childhood
of constant nags and slaps. She lay
in bed listening to birds. Father

was a bird watcher, knew them all,
where they laid and when and
what colour the eggs of the birds
were. She remembered him and

his binoculars and that hat which
made Mother laugh. Soon she’d
get up and puke. The smell itself
was enough to make her puke again.

Thornton’s one minute act of sex
brought all this. God’s seven days
of creating beauty and light were
reduced by Thornton one minute’s

sex, to making hell in a single night.
You’ll make it all work, a voice
inside her head said. But it was a
big step from single self to another

human being lying helpless in the
hands wailing and flailing its arms.
She sat up on the side of the bed.
All thoughts of Thornton, Mother

[...] Read more

poem by Terry Collett
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Century

Everybody's here
Puke stinks like beer
This could be a city
This could be a graveyard
You stole my idea
You stole my idea

Everybody's anxious
For the coming of the crisis
The collapse of the justice
I can smell your armpits
You stole my idea
You stole my idea
You stole my idea

This puke stinks like beer and everybody's here
Come on

song performed by Live from Secret Samadhi
Added by Lucian Velea
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Puke On Cops

look at me now. full on the run. i can't stop myself from crashing. breaking grass, bumming a yard. fixing stuff that was never broken. pulling out all the stops. i'm gonna puck on the cops. i'm telling the kids, punk rocks. i'm gonna puke on cops. gimme a side of airplane noise or a half a glass of our resistance. add a dash of disobedient public nusant, richtor riot. pulling out all the stops. i'm gonna puck on the cops. i'm telling the kids, punk rocks. i'm gonna puke on cops.

song performed by NOFX
Added by Lucian Velea
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Why?

Muir-Siegel-
Why? Why does it have? Have to be...this way
When? When will I know? What I should...and why I didn't
Why? Why. Does it keep coming back? Straight in my face. Face
Yet I can't see it. How? How. How could I be? Be so dumb. Dumb
Dumber than dumb. You dummy!
Where? Where am I now. Am I still here...and which way am I going?
What? What did you say? I heard you laugh
What the hell is so funny?
Why? Why. Won't you show your face? Face
Show me who you are. Are. God, I hate you!
You. You. You make me sick. Sick. So sick I puke
Puke. Damn you digust me!
Please. Please don't be crueler than I...already am to me
Where? Where will I find? Find some peace...I'll even take a sliver!
Why? Why. Why does it hurt? Hurt. Hurt so bad! Bad
Yet I just take it!
Why? Why. Why does it hurt? Hurt. Hurt so bad! Bad
Yet I still take it!
When. When it goes. I wonder where
And I get so jealous!
When. When will I learn? And if I do...what will it teach me?
Why? Why. Why does it hurt? Hurt so bad? Bad
Yet I still take it!
Why? All I'm asking is why? Why
All I'm asking is why? Why?
This ain't no animal magnetism!
Why? Why. Why does it hurt? Hurt
Hurt so bad? Bad. And I just take it
Why? Why. All I'm asking is why? Why
All I'm asking is why? Why?
Don't tell me animal magnetism

song performed by Infectious Grooves
Added by Lucian Velea
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Daily Records

This could be suffering
This could be suffering
This could be pleasure
This could be pleasure
Im unaware of any difference
Im unaware of any difference
My head is aging
My head is aging
My balls are aching
My balls are aching
But Im not looking for deliverence
But Im not looking for deliverence
This could be letting on
This could be letting on
This could be highly cut
This could be highly cut
Im unaware of ~any difference
Im unaware of ~any difference
One says it cant be done
One says it cant be done
Then somebody does it - but
Then somebody does it - but
Im not watching for equivalents.
Im not watching for equivalents.
I just dont quite know how to wear my hair no more
I just dont quite know how to wear my hair no more
No sooner cut it than they cut it even more
No sooner cut it than they cut it even more
Got to admit that I created private worlds
Got to admit that I created private worlds
Cold sex and booze dont impress my little girls
Cold sex and booze dont impress my little girls
Daily records
Daily records
Just want to be making daily records
Just want to be making daily records
Try to avoid the bad news in the letters
Try to avoid the bad news in the letters
Just wanna be making records
Just wanna be making records
Play in - play out - fade in - fade out
Play in - play out - fade in - fade out
Making records day in - day out
Making records day in - day out
And they say its just a stage in life
And they say its just a stage in life
But I know by now the problem is a stage
But I know by now the problem is a stage
And they say just take your time and itll go away
And they say just take your time and itll go away

[...] Read more

song performed by Who
Added by Lucian Velea
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Vaccination

Petty news, its only your bad ear
It might be worth it
To watch what you hear
Feeling great now you expand your view
You cant forget, somebody hates you
Justify my worst behaviour
Search in blood-lines
Exchange a favor
Humble goals
Bad nutrition
Rely on me
Theres one condition
Humble goals
Bad nutrition
Rely on me
Theres one condition
Imitated
So adored
The wind picks up
My suit gets torn

song performed by Helmet
Added by Lucian Velea
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Spam

Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder whats inside it now (oh boy)
Spam in my luchbox at work (its the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it at all
If youre running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam
Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now (lets eat)
Spam in my office at work (its the best)
Think about the stuff its made from, wonder if its mystery of meat
If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermose to help wash it down
Now, if theres some left, dont just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now
Spam in my pantry at home (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the lable (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (its the best)
Think about how its been precooked, wonder if Ill just eat it cold
Now, once you start in, you cant put it down
Dont leave it sitting or itll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in
Oh, spam (spam)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition, wonder whats inside it now (oh boy)
Spam (spam)
Its the best
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it
Spam in the place where I live (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if Im a junkie now (lets eat)
Spam in the place where I work (youre obsessed)
Think about the way its processed, wonder if its some kind of meat
Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork)
Spam any place that you are (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
The can is there to hold in the spam (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)

song performed by Weird Al Yankovic
Added by Lucian Velea
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Twin State

university of chicago summer basketball
university of chicago summer camp
university of cincinati baseball camp
university of cincinnati basketball camp
university of cincinnati football camp
university of cincinnati lacrosse camp
university of cincinnati soccer camp
university of cincinnati youth basketbal
university of cinncinati football camp
university of colorado basketball camp
university of colorado basketball camps
university of colorado cross country cam
university of colorado football camp
university of colorado soccer camp
university of colorado soccer camps
university of colorado sports camps
university of colorado summer camp
university of colorado summer camps
university of colorado team lacrosse cam
university of connecticut basketball cam
university of connecticut football camp
university of connecticut girls volleyba
university of connecticut soccer camp
university of connecticut volleyball sum
university of ct summer volleyball camp
university of dallas cross country camps
university of dayton and goalkeeper camp
university of dayton baseball camp
university of dayton basketball camp
university of dayton camps
university of dayton ohio atheletic camp
university of dayton socccer camp
university of dayton soccer camp
university of dayton summer soccer camp
university of dayton volleyball camp
university of delaware 4h camp
university of delaware 4h camp applicati
university of delaware baseball camp
university of delaware camps
university of delaware field hockey camp
university of delaware football camps
university of delaware girls lacrosse ca
university of delaware lacrosse camp
university of delaware soccer camp
university of delaware tiina martin camp
university of delaware volleyball camp
university of delaware youth camps
university of delware soccer camp
university of denver and lacrosse camp
university of denver swimming summer cam

[...] Read more

poem by Caasder Fronds
Added by Poetry Lover
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Laurie got offended that I used the word 'puke.' But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Added by Lucian Velea
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What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

quote by Steve Martin
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Character

Well, I ll tell you
One good thing at least about some
Of these junkies was
They had some character
They may have driven me nuts
Someties & screwed up
But at least when they played
The damn guitar they d play it
Like they meant it -
These white bread boys nowadays
Knowin all the score,
Don t even know how to puke

song performed by Iggy Pop
Added by Lucian Velea
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I must be honest. I can only read so many paragraphs of a New York Times story before I puke.

quote by Rush Limbaugh
Added by Lucian Velea
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If I hear the word 'perky' again, I'll puke.

quote by Katie Couric
Added by Lucian Velea
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Lost, Hurt, Lonely.

Lost,
Hurt,
Lonely,
Tears running down her face,
She feels like she's gonna puke,
Beating herself up inside she doesn't understand,
Why does he have to say this stupid sh! t,
Only if he realize what he's doing,
Can't she have the strength to tell him,
Or shall it only make things worst,
Never wants it to end,
But she wonders in the back of her mind,
Will he ever realize this and change! ?
By: ~Brandi Dybala~ *12/3/2010*

poem by Brandi Dybala
Added by Poetry Lover
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SHORT; SILLY; TKTWBH: I Doubt Your Word 'King'!

I'm most sorry "Your Majesty", but I doubt your story's true.
I doubt you even have a throne, except when on a loo.
In fact "Oh King" the more I think of it, it makes me want to puke.

(Do you have "someone else" do THAT for you?)

Why I'll bet you're not EVEN a prince...., or even a lowly duke!

poem by Bri Edwards
Added by Poetry Lover
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Calendar With No Date

he turns over
on the doorstep
of an invisible alley....

his puke stained collar
greets the morning sun.
he focuses his eyes,

sets his jaw, and stands up.
the beeper of the trash truck
bounces off his mind.

fumbling for a cigarette,
his last, he lights up...
kicks the empty bottle aside.

squinting at the sun,
too early for the soup kitchen....
a patrol car passes, going slow.

the memory of a lifetime
bitter in his desert mouth...
just another day, calendar

with no date!

poem by Eric Cockrell
Added by Poetry Lover
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Cleansing Myself

god is in me
i am in god
(he would probably puke)

god is in me
i am in god
(he would probably suffocate)

god is in me
i am in god
(he would probably throw
me out)

god is in me
i am in god
on and on
my bell goes
until i feel
divinity peels
the layer
and layer
of filth from
this furnace
of desires
until i feel
a cleaner
and purer
me emerges

poem by John Tiong Chunghoo
Added by Poetry Lover
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