Reasons For My Depression
REASONS FOR MY DEPRESSION
I know this weight this inertia
I know this sense of being drawn down
I know this feeling that nothing can be done
That I can do nothing
I know this sense of threat
A war might come and the enemy missiles make our cities burn
My loved ones might be in danger
I know this fear of being abandoned
Of our people facing another disaster
Wandering in homelessness
I know this feeling of being able to go nowhere
I know this feeling of never being able to get out of it
I know the tiredness and the indifference
I know my sense that I have wasted my life and work is not worth anything
The taxman is coming
The money is running out
There are more unanticipated expenses
When I just do not have it
I have already spent more this month than I should have
My clothes are old and worn
So much about me is so shabby
I do not like other parents and grandparents
Have the money to really be of help
There are so many unfixed broken things in the house
That I should have fixed long ago
I have chronic pain now as never before
The blood pressure the prostate
Will I ever get out of it? I have not been able to yet
I have so many health problems now
Is the skin discoloration cancer?
We may have a visitor who is lost himself and needs help
I do not know how to give
How much of my time will he take?
I do not have the patience for anyone or anything
Please don't bother me but I can't get out of this myself
My wife is disappointed with me
My wife is not that well and I worry about her health
I worry about my children so much I undermine their confidence
So many of our friends are sick and dying
I am already old and only getting older
The next stage is the walker the wheelchair
Will I be surprised and have a stroke
And become the worst kind of burden?
I remember my mother eight years in a wheelchair unable to speak,
We all die and I have not bought a gravesite yet
I am older than I ever pictured myself as being
So many hate us on the basis of their own bigotry stupidity ignorance
there are so many bad people in the world
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poem by Shalom Freedman
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