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The Rape of the Trap. A Ballad

'Twas in a land of learning,
The Muse's favourite city,
Such pranks of late
Were play'd by a rat,
As-tempt one to be witty.

All in a college study,
Where books were in great plenty;
This rat would devour
More sense in an hour,
Than I could write-in twenty.

Corporeal food, 'tis granted,
Serves vermin less refined,
Sir But this, a rat of taste,
All other rats surpass'd,
And he prey'd on the food of the mind, Sir.

His breakfast, half the morning
He constantly attended;

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poem by William Shenstone
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A Poem Served To Order

PHI BETA KAPPA, JUNE 26, 1873

THE Caliph ordered up his cook,
And, scowling with a fearful look
That meant,--We stand no gammon,--
'To-morrow, just at two,' he said,
'Hassan, our cook, will lose his head,
Or serve us up a salmon.'

'Great sire,' the trembling chef replied,
'Lord of the Earth and all beside,
Sun, Moon, and Stars, and so on
(Look in Eothen,-there you'll find
A list of titles. Never mind;
I have n't time to go on

'Great sire,' and so forth, thus he spoke,
'Your Highness must intend a joke;
It doesn't stand to reason
For one to order salmon brought,

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poem by Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Verses For After-Dinner

PHI BETA KAPPA SOCIETY, 1844
I WAS thinking last night, as I sat in the cars,
With the charmingest prospect of cinders and stars,
Next Thursday is--bless me!--how hard it will be,
If that cannibal president calls upon me!

There is nothing on earth that he will not devour,
From a tutor in seed to a freshman in flower;
No sage is too gray, and no youth is too green,
And you can't be too plump, though you're never too lean.

While others enlarge on the boiled and the roast,
He serves a raw clergyman up with a toast,
Or catches some doctor, quite tender and young,
And basely insists on a bit of his tongue.

Poor victim, prepared for his classical spit,
With a stuffing of praise and a basting of wit,
You may twitch at your collar and wrinkle your brow,
But you're up on your legs, and you're in for it now.

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poem by Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Lenexa Baptist Church = Miracles & The Mystery Of Prayer

MIRACLES

Miracles are the extraordinary acts of God
If you don't believe it, why pray?
Some say, they're just happenings brought about by luck
Thus, superstition has led the rest of us, astray.

Woe to what the misinformed might think
Who claim their excellence is their own.
A wise man knows his gifts are from Heaven
And by repentance, his gratitude is shown.

I believe in miracles for I'm alive and well
I'm loved by God, family, and a few good friends.
I've lived long enough to see miracles transpire
As one must end, another descends.

WHO?

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poem by Tom Zart
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The 5th Satire Of Book I. Of Horace : A Humorous Description Of The Author's Journey From Rome To Brundusium

'Twas a long journey lay before us,
When I and honest Heliodorus,
Who far in point of rhetoric
Surpasses every living Greek,
Each leaving our respective home
Together sallied forth from Rome.
First at Aricia we alight,
And there refresh and pass the night,
Our entertainment rather coarse
Than sumptuous, but I've met with worse.
Thence o'er the causeway soft and fair
To Apii Forum we repair.
But as this road is well supplied
(Temptation strong!) on either side
With inns commodious, snug, and warm,
We split the journey, and perform
In two days' time what's often done
By brisker travellers in one.
Here rather choosing not to sup
Than with bad water mix my cup,

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poem by William Cowper
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Not Leavin? Yet

Come lie next to me Jesus Christ
holes in hand where a cross used to fit just right
the meeting called...the topic: a ladies fate
you don't have to remind me
I won't be late
please excuse me, I'm sorry, I just can't wait
and don't use grandfather as the bait
down the hall a baby boy just born
rosaty around a crown of thorns
please excuse me, I'm sorry, I just can't wait
and don't use grandfather as the bait
no...
can't you see the lady's not ready
hands and feet are bound and unsteady
in the hall the family's grieving
I'm the one who stays
I'm not leavin' yet

song performed by Nickelback
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Belexes

Oh, I cannot tell you to make up your mind
And gather together the best of your kind
The prophets have spoken the words of ill fate
Your childhood has ended you've taken the bait
You've got the power it's there deep inside
Just look around and you'll know what you've tried
So much relies on the course that you take
The fool and the wise man both burn at the stake-ah
Look at the heads buried deep in the sand
Hiding from evil made by their own hand
The prophets have spoken the words of ill fate
Your childhood has ended you've taken the bait
You've got the power it's there deep inside
Just look around and you'll know what you've tried
So much relies on the course that you take
The fool and the wise man both burn at the stake-ah

song performed by Kansas
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Horror Show

Uuuhh
Since I was a little kid I tried to get out of my head
Trapped on the playground I would stare at the sky...
I didnt even know why
But daily life
It took an evil shape
Some conformed
And some tried to escape
And those are the misfits that Ive known
Like a sock in the eye
They feel it to the bone
Its a joke that we all know
Were the bait in a horror show
Yeah, we are alone
In a horror show
Banish me and mine to outer space
Id shoot there in a second
Just for the breathing space
Id put the punks on the moon
For head-room, mods rule the galaxy

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song performed by Third Eye Blind
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Amos Moses

Amos Moses was a Cajun.
And lived by himself in the swamp
Hunting alligator for a living.
Knock 'em on the head with a stump
The Louisiana law's gonna get you, Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp, boy
Now everybody blamed his old man
for raising him mean as a snake
When Amos Moses was a boy,
his Daddy would use him as alligator bait
Tie a rope around his waist,
throw him in the swamp
Alligator bait on the Louisiana bayou
Just about 45 minutes
southeast of Tipidow, Louisiana
There lived a man called Duck Bill Sam
and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son that could
eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth.

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song performed by Primus
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Fins

Fins
By: jimmy buffett, deborah mccoll, barry chance, tom corcoran
1979
She came down from cincinnati
It took her three days on the train
Lookin' for some peace and quiet
Hoped to see the sun again
But now she lives down by the ocean
She's takin' care to look for sharks
They hang out in the local bars
And they feed right after dark
Chorus:
Can't you feel 'em circlin', honey
Can't you feel 'em swimmin' around
You got fins to the left, fins to the right
And you're the only bait in town
Oh oh
Oh oh
You got fins to the left, fins to the right
And you're the only girl in town

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song performed by Jimmy Buffett
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